The rehabI’m silent
Screaming within
———
Forced
Into the car
——–
I know not where
We’re heading
But it’s far enough
———
For hours we go
Outside the city
The fields around
———
I wish I could
Cease to exist
———
This isn’t fair
I harmed no one
———-
I’m labelled
Bipolar
——–
I have no choice
No escape
——–
We’re there
The gates open
———
I’m on a bed
——–
They tell me
Your husband
And his brother
Are talking
To the doctor
——
They will come
——–
I know they won’t
I never see them
——
They tell me
To lie down
——–
On a bed
Enclosed with curtains
———
It’s claustrophobic
——–
No one
Talks to me
———
To my horror
I see them
Other patients
Tied up
To their beds
———
With chords
——–
The curtains
Drawn around
No ventilation
———
Fear strikes
I yell
I scream out
Who wouldn’t
——–
You cannot
Do this to me
———-
The Constitution
Guarantees
The right to freedom
——–
Little do I know
There’s a
Mental Health Act
——–
I’m glad now
It’s revised
———
It just takes
A Shrink
To sign
——-
To certify you
A mental patient
——-
The Act
It’s modified now
You cannot be
Tied in chains
It’s inhuman
———
How does it matter
You can still be
Restricted with chords
———
I cry out
You’re doing evil
This is illegal
——–
They untie me
And tie me again
——-
My hands
Twisted backwards
———
The pain
It’s unbearable
——–
They give me meds
I refuse
You inject I say
You’re not my doctor
———
So they comply
——–
Morning comes
The pain unbearable
——–
You keep your quiet
We will untie you
———
This goes on
For two days
——–
The medicine acts
I’m drowsy
Incoherent
I’m in a room
——-
I don’t realise
My bed is soiled
And my clothes
——-
I walk down
There are people
Mostly addicts
A few alcoholic
A few depressed
A schizophrenic
A couple like me
Bipolar
——–
All put in
Together
——–
All abnormal
Some defect or other
———
The Maushis
They’re after me
Have a bath
——–
No say I
I’ve no idea
I’m covered with urine
——-
They carry me
I don’t resist
—–
The poor Maushis
They bathe and clothe
——
I go out
I rant
About
The right to freedom
———
The wizened old man
He tells me
We’re abnormal
Covered under
The Mental Health Act
———–
But I didn’t hit
Physically assault
It was they
Who
Were physical
They captured me
Dumped
Me here
Without
Even
Meeting my doctor
———
There’s an alcoholic
Brought by force
By his family
Eight months it’s been
He’s father
To a little girl
He’s ultra rich
He’s a social drinker
He says
My family
Can’t accept
———
At this rate
I think
Half the Catholics
Should be in too
——–
He’s stubborn
I won’t go till
They accept
Me
As I am
——–
He doesn’t
For eight months
He then goes
Picks up his child
———-
His family
Compromises
——–
He’s truly free
He has his freedom
To drink
With his friends
He’s not
An alcoholic
———
There’s this
Supposedly
Prince
Of one of the
Kingdoms
In Afri
He’s Catholic
No one
Speaks to him
——-
I try
I don’t know
What’s wrong with him
He comes and takes
The only book I have
The Bible
And returns it
The next day
If he can read
I don’t know
——–
This is one story
I won’t forget
He’s tied up
Next to me
Untie me
He pleads
What are you
Here for
I ask
He’s mum
Anyway
I untie myself
I know how
And him too
And we are quiet
Till morning
——–
We’re fine
I tell the doctor
You needn’t
Tie us up
Any more
He lets us go
That young boy
Out he goes
———
Slaps an old lady
He’s in
For Anger management
Bad decision
On my part
Or would he be angry
In the first place
If they hadn’t
Tied him up
————
This grand old lady
So soft spoken
Mentions her
Son
A fashion designer
So fondly
Schizophrenia
They say
Never met
A milder soul
——–
There’s group therapy
The conductor
Insensitive
He can’t
Hear her whispers
He’s angry
I try
To intervene
Hie ego hurt
I’m tied up
Again
——–
The yoga instructor
This lady full of innuendo
He joins
It’s vulgar
Their comments
With every pose
He teaches foreigners
They say
With nimble bodies
I try
My old back ache
Acts up
I opt out
The yoga
It’s mandatory
You get called
Out of your room
If you’re not there
It’s all about
Attendance
The old
The people
Who can’t bend
Their bodies
Sit it out
——–
We’re not allowed
To play
Carrom
Or talk
The old teacher
He would ask
The oldies
To sit
And teach them
Yoga
That they did
Sitting
On their chairs
——–
Not content
I approach
This new teacher
He says
The oldies
They won’t come
I’ll bring them I say
If you do
I’ll teach them
He smirks
They are my friends
These old people
They turn up
Next morning
He casts a glance
At me
And them
And promptly
Starts
His class as usual
Im not
One to give up
I start my OM
The guards appear
I’m tied up
I’m non Compliant
——-
The interns
Every day
They’re writing down
The prescriptions
All over again
Homework
I call it
I make a mental note
Some excel sheets
Will help them
And reduce mistakes
The nurses
They’re filling up medicines
The two of them
For seventy five people
I insist
I want to check
What they’re giving me
Those overworked souls
They manage the ICU too
They’ve made a mistake
I don’t recall
What it was
An extra dose
Or a pill forgotten
Now every day
They read out
My medicine
Pill by pill
On my palm
——–
They’ve played badminton
For their state
This brother and sister
They need the money
For studying further
——–
The old lady
On the bed
Her toe eaten
By a rat
Not healing
She stays
They say
Because
Her retarded son
And she
Have no one
She stays in bed
Most of the time
Only moved out of the ICU
To the TV place
A few hours
——
In the afternoon
When she’s tired
Her back hurting
She cries out
Twenty times
They take her back
Finally
To her bed
——–
She cannot go
To the recreation area
They don’t have
A slope
For her wheelchair
Her son
He rarely comes
To her
——-
Her bills they
They rumour
Are paid for
By her brother
She’s rich
After all
She’s Parsi!
Rich
But
Without control
Over her destiny
Her rotten teeth
And her son’s
Haven’t visited
A dentist
———
She befriends me
This lady
She talks
Mostly about her son
She listens to my stories
About my children
At one point
I know
I have to go
I distance myself
From her
Maybe I’m cruel
———
My best friend
And old Parsi
He’s studied philosophy
He stay there
Of his own accord
He has nobody
In the outside
World
———
His one liners
One a day
Keep me going
——
There is this guy
Handsome and young
Sent here
By his girlfriend
He own restaurants
At this young age
He’s taking drugs
He’s under detox
He says he’ll tackle her
When he gets back
She comes one day
To take him back
She’s so pretty
He goes to her
Hugs and kisses
And they’re out
This is all
The story I know
About the two
The strangest story
Is about this young girl
Full of goodness
And joy
She goes about
To hug every Maushi
Greet every guard
She’s one day
For four days
She’s bipolar
They’ll take her
To their hospital
Inject truth serum
To confirm
She’s stopped
Seeing her boyfriend
She lives she says
In a bungalow
Theve found nothing
So off she goes
Back again
In the evening
And she’s gone
If we can send
Our kids
To boarding school
Without permission
We can send them
To rehab as well
I suppose
Speaking of kids
This teenager
Built like a rock
Plays lawn tennis
They’re rich
His parents
They want to build
A court for him
On the new building
In his village
Which has now
Become a city
I smoke he said
I won’t be surprised
If there were drugs
In that smoke
I’ve missed my
Boards he says
Couldn’t they
Put me in
After my exams?
I don’t know
Their part of the story
But I feel
Sad
For this kid
The saddest
Is this young girl
Depressed
In tears
Sticking to
Her coterie
Of rich friends
One of them
A film director
Who stays
Alone
Also depressed
In a cottage
She’s from Kenya
They say
Was in love
With someone inappropriate
Locked in here
By her father
Seventy five grand a month
Two years
She looks old enough
They say
To make her own decisions
There this woman
Whose fallen in love
With a Christian
A rickshaw driver
She says
Her rich brother
Well intentioned
Has spent his money
To help her see
Through her
Infatuation
There’s a doctor
Homeopathic
A kind soul
If there ever was one
Her husband died
She depressed
Her brother
A kind soul
Spent so much
For
He brought her
To this calm place
To recover
She’s fine now
Out of the place
After two years
Two years
She cries out
When I happen
To meet her
Later
There’s this boy
Should be in college
Forced in here
Without his consent
With borrowed money
Been there two months
They put me in
By force
I’ll drink again
He say
And right enough
Taken back home
Comes the next day
Stone drunk
The most forlorn
Of this lot
A misfit
Amongst teens
And adults
Is this boy
Who should be
In school
Here for
Anger management
He throws things
When he’s angry
He broke the TV
And his father’s laptop
His parents they work
He’s alone all day
He’s clothes few
His shorts too tight
He shown me his
Skin
Near his underwear
Fungal infection
I wonder why his anger
Couldn’t be controlled
By medicine
He’s sent here
As are others
To be taught
Compliance
There is another lady
An Indian from Africa
Shizophrenic
She talks of wealth
Of mansions in UK
Special treatment
She’s allowed
Bose speakers
And a laptop
The kid on medicine
Putting on rapid weight
Hungry
I give him
My teatime
Snacks
The ice is broken
His mother called them
She’s a widow
Not much moneyi
She shelled out
For this expensive place
The bouncer
He injected him
And bought him here
But now they’re not sending
Him out yet
He begs me
To speak
To his mother
When she comes
I do
Nothing changes
There’s the alcoholic
He paid to be in
To get rid of his habit
He couldn’t deal
With his ADHD son
Took recourse
To alcohol
Lost his job
Lost his wife
The poor soul now
Has to deal
With the money
And cope
With her ADHD son
All alone
They do give them detox
They write letters of gratitude
When they leave
I just pray
They don’t relapse
All we get
Is a pen and pencil
When we beg
No books
The library
It’s being
Renovated
We’re told
Atleast I have
My Bible
They allowed me that
There’s
Breakfast
Lunch
Tea
Dinner
All made by a cook
And his helpers
Who march about
The kitchen
In their slippers
Now the stories
About the people
are done
The stories
About the place
The TT table you can use
But if you smash the ball
And it dents
You’re done for
All your friends
Berate you’re
The supervisor
Will not give
Another one
The counsellor
She is sweet
Gives me scientific
Books to read
On the physical
And chemical
Aspects of
Bipolar disorder
I don’t understand
Half of them
Or more
I’m no scientist
Then the meditation
I try hard
To close my eyes
And still my mind
This is not
My kind of relaxation
My brain ties out
For stimulation
Maybe a book
Thre therapists
They come out
With vague stuff
Like role play
Or moulding clay
Anything that
Does not involve
An expense
I mould a crude rose
My daughter
Could do much better
They applaud
At my creativity
All of them
Expense
That’s the keyword
You have to beg
For carrom powder
Or a pen
Or a notebook
Or slippers
When yours are stolen
Never mind
They change for them
The bouncer it is his job
To handle people
Who need to be brought
A God fearing man
Sincerely believing
He’s doing good
I spend time
Talking to him
As he has time
To talk to me
Unless that rare
Call comes
The Maushis
Nine thousand a month
They slog
Wash clothes
Seventy five inmates
No washing machines
The beds often soiled
No rubber sheets
My room is non A/c
I cannot take the pigeon droppings
That float in
Through
The air conditioning
The fan
It’s not working
Two days
Not repaired
It’s May
I take off my clothes
Wet my body
And try to sleep
In my
Luxury Rehab
And then
The screams
They go on and on
High pitched
Like someone tortured
I dress
Am out
But can’t tell
Where
They’re coming from
Those horrifying sound?
It’s female
But not from our rooms
I close my ears
And try to sleepThe next day
In the ICU
There are no females
Except
The old
Benign
Parsi Aunty
I ask her
Was someone
Screaming
Yesterday
No she says
You’re mistaken
But I
Can still hear them
In my house
Today
The screams
They go on and on
High pitched
Like someone tortured
I dress
Am out
But can’t tell
Where
They’re coming from
Those horrifying sound?
It’s female
But not from our rooms
I close my ears
And try to sleepThe next day
In the ICU
There are no females
Except
The old
Benign
Parsi Aunty
I ask her
Was someone
Screaming
Yesterday
No she says
You’re mistaken
But I
Can still hear them
In my house
Today
Always
The troublemaker
I
I
Make an
Improvement list
And hand it over
To the counsellor
To be handed
To the owner
The gold medalist
She smiles
A benevolent smile
Takes it
Does nothing
She knows
Things won’t change
The next meeting
I take it back
Barge into
The owners office
It’s out of bounds
For patients
And our place
Out of bounds
For her
The guards
They threaten
To tie me up
I don’t budge
I want to see her
She comes
She’s young
A gold medalist
With a rehab
Who doesn’t interact
With her patients
Is it because
She doesn’t
Want to see?
She listens
For some time
Then says
She’ll return
She doesn’t
For a very long time
A wicked idea
Strikes my head
There’s Holi colours
Lying there
And a big fat syringe
I open the packet
Let the syringe
Suck in the colour
The guards
They promptly come
As expected
The haul me out
To be taken
To be tied
I let them
But sit down
On the floor
Gandhi style
They try their best
The ICU
It’s full
Of other people
Tied up
They let me go
The good doctor
He’s all smiles
I want to go
Home
I tell him
Don’t worry
He says
The next time
Your husband comes
Ask him nicely
If he says yes
You go!
I’m pretty sure
My husband
Will
The next week
The good doctor
He’s all smiles
I want to go
Home
I tell him
Don’t worry
He says
The next time
Your husband comes
Ask him nicely
If he says yes
You go!
Stories true
Or untrue
I don’t knoe
But one thing
Is for sure
That’s not a place
I want to go
AGAIN
Substances hurt people^ hurt people 